Emotional crap!!!

I'm not a crier. i never was. when i was first diagnosed and couldn't do anything for my kids or myself, i cried all the time....  but they were so young they didn't understand... and their way to cope was to laugh at me. so i forced myself to stop crying and it's been forever since I boo hoo'ed. it hate crying. the way t makes me feel. yesterday i actually sat for five minutes and bawled my eyes out. the pain and exhaustion were so totally overwhelming. but when my roommate walked in, I totally dried off my tears and that was the end of that. now i feel like everything is making me want to cry... ugh!!! :( :( I hate this shit