Friday, January 14, 2011
WOW!!!
Everything turned out better than could have been expected yesterday!!! More than better, it was wonderful! Thank God! I was so scared and worried about what would happen and it all turned out for the best! I'm so thrilled and thankful and and and... words can not convey how awesome things turned out and how grateful I am!!!
thank you so much for your prayers
Thursday, January 13, 2011
so nervous!
I'm waiting for a call for to see in which direction some one's life will go and it's pretty scary on this end. please pray all goes well!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
hard times
These are hard times for me. I have 2 things I'm dealing with besides myself. I can't share them here because they are way too personal. i barely got any sleep last night, tossing and turning all night long. i know those involved didn;t get any sleep either, at least on this end.
no matter where i go in my head, i always run into the same two situations and how am i supposed to deal with it? i know i haven't processed it in my head or i'd be a mess, worse than i am now. i haven't cried or shouted or anything. people think it's a game, or something said to get attention, others think it just didn't happen. but i know it did. i know it did.
anyways... i guess that's all i have to say.
no matter where i go in my head, i always run into the same two situations and how am i supposed to deal with it? i know i haven't processed it in my head or i'd be a mess, worse than i am now. i haven't cried or shouted or anything. people think it's a game, or something said to get attention, others think it just didn't happen. but i know it did. i know it did.
anyways... i guess that's all i have to say.
Friday, December 31, 2010
family reunion
We had a really nice family reunion at mom's house. all the siblings were there, except Susan of course, but not all the grand kids or spouses were there. We had a huge turkey plus an enormous roast, with stuffing, a 7 layer salad, veggies and at least 5 pies! there were many other side dishes for all of us, since we had 20 people here! We had a great time but I really did miss those that weren't here.
The last time we all got together like this was in 2006 for Susan's funeral. very sad time!
The newest Castro kid, 5 month old Cory, is such a good baby! That makes 15 grand kids for my mother!
The last time we all got together like this was in 2006 for Susan's funeral. very sad time!
The newest Castro kid, 5 month old Cory, is such a good baby! That makes 15 grand kids for my mother!
from left to right: Ralph, Debs, me, Jenn, Mom, Peter, Lo
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
my doc appointment in Loma Linda
So yesterday I went to see Dr Brand at Loma Linda University Hospital. He's really nice and studied under some awesome PH Docs. When I got there, I did a six minute walk right away and did 567 meters, which is pretty awesome. I pushed myself towards the end but I didn't stop at all, not once. I'm pretty impressed with myself too. lol
I locked the keys in my mom's car and we had to call for road side service. Fortunately it was a quick fix and we were on our way. The rain and traffic was so bad it took like, it felt, twice as long to get back as it did to get there. At least it was a simple drive, as far as the freeways that I had to take.
The university is huge and was easy to spot, plus, the International Heart Clinic is super close to the reception area, which made my day so much easier.
I do like Dr Brand and feel like I"m going to stick with the International Heart Clinic for my PH Specialists.
I locked the keys in my mom's car and we had to call for road side service. Fortunately it was a quick fix and we were on our way. The rain and traffic was so bad it took like, it felt, twice as long to get back as it did to get there. At least it was a simple drive, as far as the freeways that I had to take.
The university is huge and was easy to spot, plus, the International Heart Clinic is super close to the reception area, which made my day so much easier.
I do like Dr Brand and feel like I"m going to stick with the International Heart Clinic for my PH Specialists.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
2010
The year 2010 was a good year all in all, for me. I had my ups and downs and so did my family. But we came out of 2010 I believe stronger and closer together and mother and daughters. as sisters, I don't think so, unfortunately, since they all live in three different states.
In 2010 I was able to see my depression almost completely go away, Thanks be to God! It took many years and many different medications, but I'm here, mostly happy, mostly enjoying my life. I don't want to say completely because that would not be true. I do think that emotionally speaking, I'm the best I'm ever going to be. Once I get closer to God, who knows... the depression, sadness, may be completely lifted, that's up to God's will. not my own. I'd love to be depression free. who knows. it may happen one day, or maybe when I'm singing with the choirs of angels. who knows!
I started the year off on the east coast, enjoying snowmageddon. the brisk and cleanness of it all was so beautiful! until the cars came and dirtied it all up. but still it was beautiful while it lasted. The kids were all together in the beginning of the year, playing in the snow. actually having fun together! That was, for me, the most beautiful part of 2010! Seeing my kids playing and laughing was awesome!
I ended up my time on the east coast in a homeless shelter, which taught me so very very much! I no longer pass a homeless person without a smile or a thought. I no longer take for granted all the things I have been blessed with, a home, a car, food. True the home and car aren't mine. I don't feel like this is my home, of course it's not. it's my mom's. She tells me all the time this is my home and I need to think of it as if it is. I think that will come with time.
There is so much to be thankful for! The heater and the air conditioner, electricity and gas stoves. In the shelter, the temp that it was outside was the temp that it was inside. You always knew how to dress. And you could never cook for yourself. Churches, God bless them, would bring us food, breakfast lunch and dinner. And it was really good food. If I ever get the chance, I'm going to take food to a homeless shelter and feed them like I was fed too. It wasn't just churches that would bring food in, it was also individuals who had come with their churches before, and just wanted to help, communities would also volunteer. Once an entire block of women with their kids, cooked for us.
I was only there for 3 weeks, but I learned so much from the women that were there. One lady would tell me how nice I was, and I would say, I try. She said something that stuck with me.
She said, "We are not human trying, we are human beings. so stop trying and be." I just loved that!!!
In June, I traveled to California for the Pulmonary Hypertension Association's 9th International Conference in Garden Grove. I so enjoyed it and didn't want it to end! They only last a few days, less than a week, but they are so jam packed with information, fellowship, and love, that I felt I would burst with it all!
In October I moved to California. my daughter was already living with my mom, I had her stay here after conference so that she could begin the school year here instead of having to transfer during the school year.
My time in Cali hasn't been very good, I haven't made my time in Cali very pleasant. I've been lazy, I've been sad, well, read the last post where I talked about that. I'm hoping to make 2011 a better year here, hopefully I can find a job now that the recession is "Over". yea right.
there's more to say, but I'm going to end this here and right more later.
^i^
In 2010 I was able to see my depression almost completely go away, Thanks be to God! It took many years and many different medications, but I'm here, mostly happy, mostly enjoying my life. I don't want to say completely because that would not be true. I do think that emotionally speaking, I'm the best I'm ever going to be. Once I get closer to God, who knows... the depression, sadness, may be completely lifted, that's up to God's will. not my own. I'd love to be depression free. who knows. it may happen one day, or maybe when I'm singing with the choirs of angels. who knows!
I started the year off on the east coast, enjoying snowmageddon. the brisk and cleanness of it all was so beautiful! until the cars came and dirtied it all up. but still it was beautiful while it lasted. The kids were all together in the beginning of the year, playing in the snow. actually having fun together! That was, for me, the most beautiful part of 2010! Seeing my kids playing and laughing was awesome!
I ended up my time on the east coast in a homeless shelter, which taught me so very very much! I no longer pass a homeless person without a smile or a thought. I no longer take for granted all the things I have been blessed with, a home, a car, food. True the home and car aren't mine. I don't feel like this is my home, of course it's not. it's my mom's. She tells me all the time this is my home and I need to think of it as if it is. I think that will come with time.
There is so much to be thankful for! The heater and the air conditioner, electricity and gas stoves. In the shelter, the temp that it was outside was the temp that it was inside. You always knew how to dress. And you could never cook for yourself. Churches, God bless them, would bring us food, breakfast lunch and dinner. And it was really good food. If I ever get the chance, I'm going to take food to a homeless shelter and feed them like I was fed too. It wasn't just churches that would bring food in, it was also individuals who had come with their churches before, and just wanted to help, communities would also volunteer. Once an entire block of women with their kids, cooked for us.
I was only there for 3 weeks, but I learned so much from the women that were there. One lady would tell me how nice I was, and I would say, I try. She said something that stuck with me.
She said, "We are not human trying, we are human beings. so stop trying and be." I just loved that!!!
In June, I traveled to California for the Pulmonary Hypertension Association's 9th International Conference in Garden Grove. I so enjoyed it and didn't want it to end! They only last a few days, less than a week, but they are so jam packed with information, fellowship, and love, that I felt I would burst with it all!
In October I moved to California. my daughter was already living with my mom, I had her stay here after conference so that she could begin the school year here instead of having to transfer during the school year.
My time in Cali hasn't been very good, I haven't made my time in Cali very pleasant. I've been lazy, I've been sad, well, read the last post where I talked about that. I'm hoping to make 2011 a better year here, hopefully I can find a job now that the recession is "Over". yea right.
there's more to say, but I'm going to end this here and right more later.
^i^
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
become another person
Do u remember that silly movie Master of Disguise with Dana Carvey some years ago? Well, if you didn't watch it, don't waste your time, if you did, sorry..... but Dana's character came from a long line of people who could disguise themselves and become other people than who they are.
Well, that's kinda what I want to do, become another person than who I am. I don't like how quickly I'm getting angry at the stupidest things. I don't like how lazy I'm getting in so many different ways. Basically, I want to change and become a better person. It's a long and hard road but I'm starting to pick up on where I left off in D.C. and work on myself. of course I have to be here for my kids. I have to be here for my mom. But I also have to be present for myself. SOOOOOO I took the first step on Friday and found a new counselor who seems like a nice guy and hopefully can help me reach my goals.
one foot in front of the other. here I go.
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