Christmas shopping?

This is going to be a really tight holiday season. not

sure what else to say. I'm making ornaments to give

to family but the kids, nieces and nephews, aren't

going to like them. they want toys, fun stuff. i bought

a tin of popcorn for $5 for my brother's family and

for my uncle. that's pretty much the extent of it. oh

yea. i bought a $5 shirt for my nephew. i made

jewelry for my girls, but i don't think it's going to be enough. i have some t shirts i got several months ago for

each... big whoop
why am i so frikin down? I don't want to say i'm depressed because I spent a nice day with mom and later carly at the mall. not that i spent anything.

QOTD

So I have been posting Questions of the Day almost every day on Facebook for many months. I get really excited to see what the responses are from those on FB that do reply. I wish more people would, since I have so many PHriends as friends on that social networking site.

The most popular QOTD's have got to be the Roll Call. Roll Call is when i ask people to share where they are, what their diagnosis (es) are, and what meds they take. I really enjoy seeing who answer these questions and what part of the country, or world, they live in.

So if you follow me on FB, please answer the QOTD so that others can see where you are and friend you as well. But if you don't follow me on FB, I'm at www.facebook.com/flippymom

with love

Alex ^i^

whatever

I don't know why I'm so freakin bored out of my mind these days, except that

1. I don't have  a car
2. I don't have a job
3. I don't have the desire to do anything

So I sit at the computer and play farmville or yoville, read about my friends going into transplant and worry about them, or sleep. none of these things are very productive and I have to ask myself, what am I doing with my life? All those years I fought to live, literally made my medicine from scratch, fought against infections, had to wear ice at my hip 24 hours a day, and now that I don't have any of those things and I'm free and untethered, what am I doing with my life? Recently I heard a song that had a few lines that stuck in my head, Am I living to die or dying to live? or the other way around. whatever.

but whatever shouldn't be enough. it never was. I'm not sure if I'm falling back into depression although it feels like it. Whatever's, are they enough for you? Or do you strive for more than Whatever's?

oh my aching back!!!

I have been getting really bad back aches for many weeks, almost 2 months now. I went to the doc in Maryland before I came to California and was told I have Sciatica, a nerve that is inflamed. The pain radiates from my lower back to my legs if I stand for even 5 minutes. It's very very uncomfortable and inconvenient!

Any little thing I try to do, from cooking to cleaning, to anything fun like walking, I start to be in pain after a few minutes. The doctor here gave me a pain killer that honestly doesn't even touch the pain.

We have been putting up the Christmas tree here and I have been putting up the decorations, since I can not stand for more than a few minutes, most of balls are lower on the tree since I'm sitting.

What a pain in the back!!!

1st ever South Riverside Support Group Meeting

Our Support Group Meeting went really well today! We had 6 people in total including me! We had a very nice Meet and Greet where each person got a while to share about their PH journey. We had a nice lunch of sandwhiches, veggies and dip, macaroni salad and different desert breads. Our next meeting will be held on January 21st and I can't wait!!!

Wrapping Christmas Gifts & Back Pain

So most of today was spent wrapping Christmas gifts. not that I bought any, but I'm wrapping them for my mom. I have some gifts to give but those were things I already had, milk glass, angels, etc. its been fun spending time with mom, and wrapping gifts with her like we used to when the kids were little.

I have had to take breaks every now and then because of my back. I have siatica, nerve pain in my back that radiates down to my legs. Really though, all I have to do is get off my back and I'll be ok... it's just getting off my back means either lay down or sit down. I thought for sure this siatica would be done by now and I'd be able to do all the things I used to do. Isn't it enough to have Pulmonary Hypertension, Pan hypopituitarism and all those other little things such as raynauds, gerd, ibs, etc? now i have back pain... yuck

I'm so mad at myself!

So I have found a new PH doc who requested my records from Dr Girgis at Hopkins and Dr Frost at Baylor. Before I left D.C. , I requested these records from Hopkins and I have them on hand. I went to make copies of these records not knowing how many sheets of papers there were or how long it would take... long story short, it took almost an hour, 128 pages and 12 dollars later, i was/am so mad at myself!!! I was going to take the records to my new doc and ask them to make copies but like an idiot, i went a head and did it myself.

I know that $12 isn't a lot of money but when you don't have a job, you still haven't received your disability check yet for the month, it's a LOT of money! so needless to say, I'm pissed at myself. at least I don't have to mail the documents... when I go to Lo's house on Tuesday, I'll drop them off it's on my way off the 91 freeway in Loma Linda. argggggggg

Long Time no Blog

Yes I know it's been a while since I posted anything on here, and I apologize about that. Blame it on the Pulmonary Hypertension. I forgot where this blog was and even how to get on, but when I finally figured it out, well... I'm glad I did.
So much has happened since I last posted.

I have moved from D.C. and am living in California with my mom and daughter. My oldest daughter decided to stay in D.C. and my youngest daughter is still in Texas with her father.

I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving, going to spend a few days in the O.C. with my sister Lo and her family. (Lo is a nickname). I'm hoping to spend time with a younger sister while there and my godmother too! I'm not sure who I can or can not see... We'll see.

So much has happened... and so much hasn't happened.
I'm no longer depressed, well, no longer as depressed as before, and I'm not allowing myself to wallow in my self pity. I do still have days of sadness but it doesn't last, thank God! and my good friend Rob comes down to the area (an hour and a half drive) to visit. We went to Oceanside for the day and had a great time! We went to the Mission down there and then to a movie. afterwards, we went to the beach to watch the sunset. It was so amazingly beautiful and reminded me of the good times I used to have with the X. good times that never lasted. oh well. it was beautiful and so nice to watch the sunset on the pacific!!! I enjoyed watching the surfers try to catch the waves as they tumbled overselves. It did get a bit chilly as the sunset and I was thankful I listened to my mother and brought a sweater.
I really hope to be able to go to the ocean again soon!! My favorite thing to do now, thanks to my bff F. is to let my feet sink into the sand and let the waves crash over me!! such an awesome feeling, feeling the strength of the ocean, the salt in the water, and coolness of the water, wash over my body! I do not like being knocked down. lol. owwwies! :-)

can you tell I LOVE LOVE LOVE the ocean! I'm at peace there, and peace is a hard thing for me to find.

One of my daughters is in crisis right now and I worry so much about her. Please pray for her!