whatever

I don't know why I'm so freakin bored out of my mind these days, except that

1. I don't have  a car
2. I don't have a job
3. I don't have the desire to do anything

So I sit at the computer and play farmville or yoville, read about my friends going into transplant and worry about them, or sleep. none of these things are very productive and I have to ask myself, what am I doing with my life? All those years I fought to live, literally made my medicine from scratch, fought against infections, had to wear ice at my hip 24 hours a day, and now that I don't have any of those things and I'm free and untethered, what am I doing with my life? Recently I heard a song that had a few lines that stuck in my head, Am I living to die or dying to live? or the other way around. whatever.

but whatever shouldn't be enough. it never was. I'm not sure if I'm falling back into depression although it feels like it. Whatever's, are they enough for you? Or do you strive for more than Whatever's?