Sunday, August 25, 2013

Long Term Survivor

In a little over a week, I will be celebrating my 15 years since diagnosis with Pulmonary Hypertension. That makes me a long term survivor of this disease. I often think, Why me? but not what you think. Not why did I get this disease? or Why am I the one to be suffering? Honestly,  I would much rather it be me suffering than my children, my mother, my siblings or God forbid, my grand daughter!
No my Why Me's are, Why am I still here after 15 years when so many of my friends with this horrible disease have died? Why have I been the "Lucky" one?

Keep in mind, that I don't believe in luck. I don't believe things happen by chance. Everything is preordained. God knows exactly what will happen. God knows exactly what I will choose and what I will do with my free will. so there is no luck, in my mind. I also don't believe in Karma, or anything like that. so why am I one of those who have survived when so many others have died?

My sister Susan died of cancer back in '06. that I did question God about. I had NO DOUBT in the world that Susan would survive the cancer. I believed that I had received my miracle, and that she would too, being how she was so much better of a person, so much more loving and caring and giving of herself. everyone she met loved her. everyone she touched was moved by her! :( so why Susan and not me? why was I still here and she died, not knowing her children, not watching them grow and mature into beautiful young adults? and never to know any of her grandchildren?

And the babies who are born with Pulmonary Hypertension? they suffer, and die so very very young. so frikin heart breaking!!!!! We NEED a cure for Pulmonary Hypertension.

and so the reason for my post today is to ask, to beg and plead, that you donate what you can, to the Pulmonary Hypertension Association, to help us find the cure! for those babies, for the families of those that have passed on. for their sufferings. please. Donate what you can. and share this blog, to help us find the cure!!!!!

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Rest in Peace

When a friend (PHriend) passes away, I don't know what to feel. I feel so bad for their family, friends and loved ones, for all of us who loved them so much!! I feel glad that they are no longer suffering with this horrible disease, pulmonary hypertension. but then, i always seem to get selfish and wonder when it will be my turn and why i am still here after so long! next month will be 15 years since diagnosis and i'm still here. i've watched my children grow into mature beautiful women. I get to play and take care of my grand baby almost every single day! so what is it about me that I am still here and they are gone? I don't get it. Rest in Peace to all my phriends who i have loved so very much! We may have had Pulmonary Hypertension in common, but our friendship went deeper than just our illness. Rest in peace.