Saturday, July 13, 2013

pain and exhaustion

So last time I posted that I was having a horrible day with pain and exhaustion on my regular Facebook page, someone my mother that I was having a horrible day. and my mom started worrying like crazy and called and called. of course, being in the hospital with my friend having chemo, I couldn't answer the phone even if I DID hear it ringing. :( the next day, we were back in the hospital for her booster shot, i don't understand it, but she gets chemo on thursday and shot on friday, and my mom called. i couldn't talk because the the day of chemo I drive us home and the next day I drive to and from the hospital. Anyways.. she was worried and I told her it was just tiredness and back pain. yes I lied. i hate fibbing to my mother, but i can't have her freaking out all the time, you know?  i think i just figured out my next qotd for monday..  lol.

soooooo  yesterday, after getting back from the hospital, (i still have my friend's car since she can't drive, she lets me keep it until thursday usually, so she can go to work on friday), we drove to pick up Jorge from work. I got this cool piece of cheap ass wood from the home depot he works at, and put it ontop of two of those plastic 3 drawer storage thingies to make a craft desk!! i'm so pleased with how it turned out. anyways, afterwards, it was still raining and we were going to take Ellie to the park or museum. Jorge was tired and hungry, so we went and got stuff to make sandwiches and sat under a sheltered picnic area to eat. Ellie was crying about wanting to go to play, so we walked over and she played for probably about 2 hours.  :-) I had fun too!! I played on the swings for a while, felt like i was flying, lol. (they should have swings in front of the ocean so that you can really feeling like you are flying! how fun would that be?????)  and i even got onto this little apparatus thingie that spun around and around. of course Drea spun that thing with me on it for ever and I was dizzy like crazy... but how fun!!! :D :D :D after playing in the park, we went to a beautiful garden area. it was very hilly and we walked for probably about 1/2 hour.  we get home probably about 7 or so, and I told the kids on the drive back, if they wanted to, they could go out dancing or whatever... they were excited about it and agreed that they would want to go. they ended up going but there was drama in between the time that i said they could go and the time they actually left.  as soon as I sat down, i felt my body start to crash. i don't know another word to use. but it's that feeling you get when you just can't do anything more. and the pain starts to settle in your bones. the walking and playing and drama and sitting in chairs all day at the hospital, took it's toll and i started feeling it ALL, all at once. I layed in bed after organizing my craft table, put on my headphones and started hearing crying. Ellie had woken up and her bedroom door was closed so I couldn't hear her and she couldn't see any light and she couldn't leave her room to come find me since I couldn't hear her. :( I ran over and held her while she literally sobbed :( :( :( After a few minutes, I got a fresh bottle for her and we walked into my room. she didn't want to go back to sleep in her bed because Drea wasn't there. she climbed into my bed and closed her eyes. after a few minutes, i put on my cpap and the wind hit her in the face. she opened her eyes and giggled and i shushed her and said "night night". she rolled over and placed a foot on my leg and her arm on my belly. such a sweet and tender moment! :D When Drea got back home, I heard the door open and I said Ellie? she said something I didn't understand, but I knew it was her, so I fell back to sleep. Drea woke me with wild eyes and said, Where's Ellie? i looked on my bed and didn't find her on the bed, she had rolled off the bed and was laying on the floor curled up in her blanket with her mickey mouse. i didn't know why drea was so freaked out, until she said, she had searched for Ellie everywhere and couldn't find. her.

I forgot to say that on Thursday, I started feeling really really bad. I got short of breath and dizzy after yawning. scared the crap out of me. and then in the afternoon, i went to get lunch and after just a few steps, i got very short of breath. i kept going because I don't stop when I get short of breath, I'll stop when I get palpitations, but not just SOB. but when I finally got back to my waiting friend in the hospital, I was so ill, I couldn't do anything. I sat and ate and felt a tiny bit better. I started getting tingling on my hands and feet and then even on my face. and under the tingling, there was this horrible pain. like the one i'm feeling right now because my arms are up while i type. I called my doc and left a voice mail. they called me back later in the evening and said the doc would get back in touch with me. it was strange because the bag that I held the food in, i couldn't open my fingers all the way. i asked my friend to help push them open and she said she felt stiffness in the joints. I did end up feeling better, not completely, but like 80%, and was able to drive us home.

all of this is to say that when I woke up this morning, i was in so much pain! and exhaustion! I just woke up from probably a 3 hour nap or so and I can still go back to sleep! i'm going to... my stomach is all upset and i feel like i'm going to hurl, but it's all something I can't post onto my FB wall since i don't want mom to get worried. :(

after I'm done with this, i'm going to put on my headphones, turn on netflix on my laptop and watch some grey's anatomy. :-)

Jorge, Drea and Ellie

Sunday, July 7, 2013


It's been hard for me to get out of the apartment lately... call it agoraphobia, call it fear of not having enough energy to make it home, call it whatever you want, but it's a real fear. It's hard to be indoors 24/7 like this and a person can only watch so much Hulu, Netflix and television. So, I have been crafting lately.

I have been using what I have on hand: an old shoe box lid, a pair of old jeans, a picture frame whose glass was broken, and lots and lots of foam! lol

I started out by making a hanger for my necklaces. Using a dowel, some recycled pieces of chain link, and something to hold it into the wall, i have my necklaces hanging up.. Then my earring holder. I painted and decorated an old picture frame and glued a piece of plastic canvas onto it. that hangs on my wall too :-)

My rings were a little bit trickier. I read somewhere that using felt rolled up, you can stick rings in between each piece. I had a piece of felt, a white one, left over from when I made Ellie her Halloween costume last year. Certain that it wasn't enough, I sat on the idea for a few months until I figured something else out. My granddaughter had a birthday party coming up so we had to go get paper products and the dollar tree is where we ended up. Walking the aisles, I found a bunch of crafting supplies and went crazy! Large sheets of foam, foam with adhesive on the back in shapes of animals, musical instruments, shapes and letters, were everywhere! I had such fun choosing what I wanted to get!

I used the foam sheets to make a quiet book for my grand baby, which I'm still working on, and she and I have been "crafting" together, decorating things with the foam stickers. When I saw I had left over foam, I thought, this would be perfect for my rings! all I have is costume jewelry, and I love bling, so I had to figure out a way to have my small dainty rings and my large oversized rings fit in the same holder. so I rolled up the foam, and using a hot glue gun, glued them together. For the larger rings, I left a gap in between to let them fit. I used an old pair of jeans to decorate a shoebox lid, and VOILA! I love it ! :D
Magnets I made for Ellie to play with 
my ring holder. 
An old mirror I found, painted it, decorated with
glass beads, tiny mirrors, & a purple flower
for great grandma
Ellie's quiet book, page 1
for the quiet book:
Cars, trucks, bus, boat, train