Going back in time

I have been very contemplative lately. dont know why really.... but if I don't sit and think, things are going to end up driving me crazy!!! crazier. lol so yeah. I have gone back in time in my mind and talked to my grandparents and my sister Susan. I just wish it was real and they could know how they have left a hole in my heart since their passing. not that I want to make them feel guilty, i guess better said, how much I miss them. how much I love them even still. How I have needed them in my life so many times.
i would so love a hug from my grandparents Momma Elodia, and Papa Arturo!  When I was young, when they were still with us, my Papa Arturo would sit with me and tell me stories of his youth. I wish I would have paid attention! instead, I was bored and my mind would wander. I can still smell his cologne, Old Spice. lol I so wanted the sweater he always wore. the old man type of sweater!! I used to snuggle into it when I was young.  and my grandmother, Momma Elodia, would teach me to cook and sew. I wish I could remember everything she tried to teach me! Susan and I would sing together, all the time.

She would  play her acoustic 6 string and would do such beautiful harmonies!! I'm sure that is why she named her baby girl Harmony. not such a baby girl anymore, I'm so proud of Susan's kids! They are so wonderful!  Susan was always so full of love. She would always come over arms overloaded with gifts for my children, but more than that, she would sit on the floor with them and play and color! She'd read to them for ours, making silly voices for each character, making my girls laugh and laugh! and when she brought them once roller skates for their birthdays, she was out there skating with them, since I could not. Susan had all the energy in the world and would shower all her nieces and nephews and then her own children, with love and attention and everything they ever wanted. I wish I had that kind of energy, but I was already too sick at that time.

I miss them so much! my grandparents, Susan, all those that have passed that were near and dear to me!! I wish I would have known my other grandparents!

That was one thing I always regretted. living in a different country than the rest of the family, i never knew them....