Saturday, November 24, 2012
I had several dreams last night that I can only say were a direct result from sheer exhaustion!
The first dream I had, well, I have to give you a bit of background to.
For the longest time, I shopped. I don't mean, I shopped for things I needed. I don't mean I shopped for things the family needed, or Christmas or just groceries. I mean I shopped for "sport" I shopped when I was bored, when I was sad. I shopped when I was happy or mad. I shopped to shop and loved the thrill of purchasing with a credit card or writing a check. If I had checks in the check book, I had money in the bank. If I maxed out a credit card, I opened a new credit card. When my X and I bought a house, we had a line of credit opened up for repairs to the house, it was built in the 1920's and needed work done. It was a beautiful old house! Well, I used all that credit up on shopping. At one point, my kids had over 30 pairs of jeans each. and that doesn't count the tops, the shoes, the under garments. I never shopped for myself, unless I really really needed it. And, we never shopped at high end places. It was always Walmart or Target. When a new place opened up, I would WANT to shop there, but never really did. I worked at department stores so that I could get the discount. I would also, for the most part, get only clearance items. But I still was over $10,000 in dept.
Now, divorced and loving where I live and getting to enjoy my grand daughter all the time ( I miss my two girls that are still in Texas LIKE CRAZY!!!! ) I can't do that. After we sold that big beautiful house, my half was used to pay bills, creditors, medical bills, etc. I had less than a thousand dollars left over afterwards and was able to get myself a laptop.
So I don't have ANY credit cards, except for my ATM card, which is also a VISA. And I only use checks to pay rent and to pay for acupuncture. I get acupuncture twice a week and pay for the sessions all at once at the beginning of the month.
SOOO The dream that I had last night... I went on a shopping spree. Shopped until I dropped!! Shopped and shopped and shopped! and man did it feel good to shop, until I got the bills and started. And when I woke up from this dream, I was shocked that I fell back into that cycle of shopping and being depressed because I shopped, and shopping because I was depressed..again. THANKFULLY... it was nothing but a dream! PHEW!
My next dream needs a bit of background info too.
Flashback a few days ago...
If you've been reading my story, you'll know that i have been in a lot of pain lately... and more tired than normal, etc. So I had the ANA test to see if I might have CREST and now I"m wondering if I have Fibromyalgia. So that's been heavy on my mind.
So in my dream, I was moping around depressed and worried. People came up to me and started talking to me, trying to get me out of my mood. I wanted nothing to do with their cheerfulness, so I walked away slumped over. Lots of people would come over to me and try to make me smile, some I know, some I used to know, but mostly people I had never before seen, (or maybe saw them in passing at the grocery store or something). Funny how the mind works isn't it? So finally, I went to my specialist and when I started complaining about all my symptoms, he said "whatever" and walked away. I was flabbergasted. Maybe it was time to find a new doc? Could that be what my dream was telling me?
I have been stressing out over money. How can I pay this bill? How can I pay for that? Forget about Christmas presents! no way ! So I have been stressing about that. And I've been worried about my health, more so lately.
Maybe my dream of my shopping addiction coming back is a way to remind me not to spend any money for anything. Crafting here I come :-) Maybe I'll make some Christmas ornaments as gifts?